Thursday, 28 June 2018

"I cried so hard, for God to give me amnesia, for God to rip out my heart, and He seemed so far away from me."- #BetaGirl who battled depression shares her story

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I let go of every ties I had with my family for his sake. His sister was my best friend; how could they hurt me?
Oh.

How wrong I was.
Was it the constant cheating?
Was it the constant beating, or the time he punched me so hard that I passed out?

Was it the emotional and financial abuse?
Was it me calling the police at 4am because his ex was nearly breaking down our door, saying she must have him back?

Was it me being broken beyond words?
Being alienated by friends? Disowned by family? Or suspended by the church?

Was it me finally catching him red handed in bed with another woman, when he was meant to be at work?

Then I chose to walk away. 4th January 2015.

I found out I was pregnant on 5th February 2015.

Throughout out my pregnancy, he gave me an estimated 5,000frs CFA
I bought everything for my child. Mounted my baby's bed, moved to a new house, heavily pregnant.

On my own. In a town with no friends. Bridge completely broken with my family. And yet, he could still leave his girlfriend (the one knocking at 4am; he went back to her) and come beat me in my house, because I accused him of not helping me out.

I tarnished his "image".

Till date, I still don't know what image that is.

I cried for my parents. But they were both 6 feet under ground. I cried to God about how unfair He has been to me!!

My child was premature because of my high blood pressure problems. During pregnancy I lost 18kg. But here we are today, standing.

There were nights where I cried! I cried so hard, for God to give me amnesia, for God to rip out my heart, and He seemed so far away from me.

I became an "illegal immigrant", scraping for the barest minimum.

I returned to work, 7 Weeks after my C-section. I come back home everyday with my scar bleeding. In the cold, in the rain, I still push on.

I learnt to accept that I am a broken woman, and it's fine.
I accepted that I am a single mother, and it is fine.
I accepted that I may never find love again, and it is fine.

Slowly but surely, I won my case, and today, I am a Civil Servant for the same government that gave me the title "illegal immigrant".

Today, my child is strong and healthy.

Today, the world is my oyster.

And where is he?......... Occasionally knocking on my door to see how I and his child are.

We are fine, no thanks to you.
We are fine because we accepted we were broken.
We are fine because we rose above all that.

It is only God that has the power to take away life.

My story still has many blank pages.

I will conquer the world!
I cried for that guy to die! Lord knows.
But today, I see him and I laugh.

He fights with me, and I laugh, cos I am NOT HIS LEVEL.

The best revenge is to focus on yourself, grow and be a better version of yourself. Slowly the anger will dissipate and revenge will swap by the forces of nature to Karma!


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