Thursday, 24 May 2018

Hi my name is Kuda. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Here is my story:

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I don't actually know how I've got the courage to do this but after all the stories I've been hearing of women being killed and being abused, I have to come out and tell you that it is possible to walk away from an abuser

It took me 6 years. 6 years of abuse. I got beaten. I got cheated on numerous times. I got treated like I was nothing. But I stayed. Why? I loved him. And everytime after the abuse he would tell me he didn't mean it. And I believed him. For 6 years.

I remember the first time he hit me. I confronted him about talking to a girl I knew he was cheating on me with. You know what he did? He hit me for cheating on me. Lol. Mind you this girl is now my friend. A popular radio presenter. Yes. She's my friend. I'm pathetic. I know.

From then on it was hell. I knew about all his other girls. But funnily enough he only hit me when he was drunk. Never sober. Sometimes he wouldn't even remember. Do you know how much that hurts?

The next day he would act like nothing happened. Nothing. I would have to relay the painful story and he'd be like I'm sorry. I don't know what got over me. 😔

So many incidents. One time he pushed me out of a moving car. One time he attacked me and it took 2 of his friends to get him off me. One time he punched me face coz I tried to get him to get out the car and make him sleep in his room. He doesn't remember any of this. Nothing.

I got to a at a where I started fighting back. Bad move. Only aggravated him more. I remember one time at Centurion he attacked me. I was like fuck this and I hit him back. Let's just say I have a scar from that day.

Then one time he got so mad at me for confronting him about another girl, he dumped me outside his house. Outside. No keys. It was winter. I slept outside on the floor. He pitched up next morning opened the house and left. Came back later drunk and hit me for not cooking.

Then the cheating. He slept with literally anyone. I knew about them all. Even fought a few. But I got hit once for embarrassing him. I remember that day. At fashion bar. I beat up his side chick. He dragged me outside and hit me. Hanzi don't ever embarrass me like that again.

I loved him. I  was naive. All my friends begged me to leave him. I ignored them all. I kept saying he will change. He never changed. He never changed. I remember Soko once said to me Kuda this guy will kill you one day. I'll never forget that.

His family knew that he hit me. They didn't do anything. Absolutely nothing. I could have been killed by him. But they did nothing.

But I managed to leave. I got up and left. I just went quiet for like 2 weeks. He also went quiet. Came back and acted like nothing happened. Hanzi I miss you. Told him to fuck off. Do you know how hard that was? It took a big chunk of me to do that. But it had to be done

Alot of people didn't believe me when I told them that he hit me. They were like that's not possible. He's such a nice guy. That nice guy beat the living day out of me. Repeatedly. He wasn't a fucking nice guy. He was a monster.

Mind you after I told him I'm done with him, he just left. Didn't fight for me. Nothing. That is what broke me. After everything, I thought he'd fight for me but he went off and got himself another girlfriend. I was shattered. All I did was drink. To numb the pain.

But I got over it. Till yesterday. I got triggered. By one of his friends who claims he didn't know anything about it. I broke down. My heart broke. He fucking knew but he's got the audacity to lie to me.

God knows how I managed to survive. I don't know. But I'm here. Alive. I've got a million scars. So many. But I'm a survivor.

I got pushed out of a moving car. Do you have any idea how scary that was? He said get out. Middle of nowhere. Opened the door pushed me out. Landed on my face. He stopped. Came back put me in the car and acted like nothing happened. I survived that.

I'm breaking down as I type this. But it has to be done. Ladies if you're reading this  please, please, find the courage to leave. It's so hard. I know. It took me 6 years. But I left. I couldn't paint the perfect picture to everyone anymore. I could have died. But I walked away.

Written by Lady Kuda, Domestic Abuse survivor.
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