Wednesday, 26 July 2017

How I became a single mother...

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I was 20 years old when I got pregnant.

My dad had just passed so my only parent then was my mom. She noticed the changes in my body, she approached me and asked me if I was pregnant but I denied it. She wasn't convinced so she took my to see her gynecologist. On getting there, he declared I was 36weeks gone. I started crying and my mom burst out crying too. She started expressing frustration over the fact that I was bringing disgrace to her by getting pregnant in the University, and that she was going to be ridiculed especially since my dad had just passed. At that very instant I felt so much pain in my heart, just seeing my mother like that. I just wished she didn't have to deal with all of that. I wished I could undo it all. At that moment, I wasn't thinking about me or how my life would change, but I was thinking about my mother and the pain I was causing her. The doctor consoled my mother, told her not to cry that God had blessed the family with a gift of life. She calmed down, and when we left the hospital she told me "You are not the first to get pregnant, others have, and have aborted, so don't let it bother you." She bought me carrots, because she said they were good for pregnant women and we went home. From then she took care of me, provided for me, paid for my health checks and everything else.

The pregnancy came at a time when I was switching schools. From the University of Buea to the Cameroon Christian University in Bali, North west Region. I never went back to Buea, and I left for Bamenda without telling my friends I was pregnant. I told some of my friends about the pregnancy only when I was almost due delivery. In Bali, where I moved to, nobody knew who I was or where I had been. They just knew that I was a student who was pregnant. Some of them speculated that I was married, they didn't really know me, so they didn't judge me. My family was very supportive, nobody out-rightly confronted me about it, I was the one who felt ashamed most of the time especially in front of my uncles and aunts. When they came around, I would just stay inside. My siblings were just the best, they were shocked in the beginning, but they accepted it very easily. Overall, it was tough because my life automatically changed, that was the moment of my life when I drew closest to God, because He was the only one I could say exactly how I felt to and not feel ashamed. Prayer and faith gave me strength and I started anticipating my life as a mother.

Being a mother is on it's own a tough responsibility, being a single mother is even tougher. But I thank God for my mom, grand-mom, Siblings and family who have been supporting me through it all. The major challenge I face as a single mother is the dual role I play(being father and mother). Due to the consciousness that I am his only parent, I have had to sacrifice a lot of things just so that I can be there for him.

The truth is, it is because of my son, that I am an Entrepreneur today. I want(ed) to be very actively involved in his life so I decided to take a career path that would give me that luxury to spend the most time with him, like to prepare him for school, do his homework with him and all that... He made me go this far in my career. Because I want the best for him, I have to be able to provide it, so I push myself. I work hard and enlarge my coasts because I want him to have a legacy to look up to when he grows older.

A parent should be the one person who is most loyal to their child. Rejecting your daughter because she gets pregnant is a very selfish and greedy thing to do, because the rejection would not un-do the pregnancy but it would rather destroy the child. The people with whom a child should feel safest are with their parents. Before rejecting that child because she is pregnant think about how you praised God and called her a 'Gift from heaven' when you gave birth to her. I don't know what I would have done if my mother had rejected me, I would have probably committed suicide or something, where would I have gone to?

I have the following advice for young girls:
-I can't say young girls should abstain from sex, because they would have sex regardless but here is what I would say; educate yourself on safe sex and practice it.
-If you get pregnant and are about to have a baby, don't despair, all hope is not lost. Don't cry yourself to death thinking about what you would have done differently, accept the situation and believe that the God who gave life to the pound of flesh in your womb will give you strength to take care of it.
-If you are struggling to raise your child alone, don't spend time blaming anybody who was supposed to be there who is not there, don't focus on the pain or hurt, turn that energy into strength by accepting your situation and dealing with it.
-Spend a lot of time in prayer and God will see you through.

If you are reading this and you are having any sought of difficulty related to pregnancy, rejection or single motherhood feel free to email via and I'll go through it with you.
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