Tuesday, 6 December 2016

"One year of being married is amazing because I married my soulmate"-Mrs Monono Linda

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Linda and husband on wedding day, Dec-2015

So, we caught up on one of our Beta Girls, who got married to her first love. Here is what she shared with us:

Hi Linda. It's been a year now, but congratulations are still in order right? Congrats once more on your wedding. So where did you meet your now husband?

"Thank you. Its almost a year… whew. Time flies when you are having fun. Lol. My husband and I met for the first time at school. Baptist high school; Buea, Cameroon. We were classmates, in fact we were both taking the same courses, Economics/geography and mathematics. We had a lot in common."

How was it like when you first met? Did you always wish for him to be your husband? 

1.       "We barely spoke till November though we had met since August 2006. At 16 marriage was far fetched. We got along pretty well once we started talking. Truthfully, I was just building a friendship, I had like zero male friends (the effect of being in Saker Baptist College, an all girls boarding school LOL) so it was new and exciting for sure, but I didn’t immediately know we were going to get married. I didn’t even think we were going to date. But yeah as time added and we started dating I started to wish he would be my husband but not always."

Some people say they knew from the first time they saw their spouses that they were going to marry them, was that the same for you?

"Not at all. I personally don’t believe in love at first sight. I think is a fantasy, but hey don’t judge what doesn’t work for you. My husband may say otherwise though. I fell in love with who he was as a person which took a lot of time to discover especially since he had a different track record in school then. I fell in love with his values, beliefs, the way he treated me and off course he is a hottie *wink*"

Seeing that your now husband has been your one and only lover, how do you feel about it? Do you sometimes wish you had met other people?

"Absolutely not. The thought of being with someone else is repulsive. I still appreciate other cute guys I see around or on TV etc but  it ends there, nothing more. He will always be the pedestal on which I judge other men and he has a really high score and no one has come even close. I trust him and i'm glad he is trustworthy coz nowadays it’s a rare commodity.  Some of my friends and family member’s relationships have shown me how lucky I am."

So you dated for over 7 years before eventually tying the knot last year, how did you manage to keep a relationship for that long?  

                     "Yes, we did. We were together a long time. Honestly if it was up to us we would have been married since like 2011. That’s when we knew it was what we wanted forever. The grass is green where you water it, it's that simple. We could argue every 30mins some days, but we are never too proud to apologise. We showed interest in each others likes so that we spent more time. Come and see my husband watching big brother Africa or any chick flick movie that I wanted to watch and I watched 24, Prison Break, Football games and several action movies…to the girls that avoid those, they are actually really good. 
                     Also communication, talk to your partner. If you want him/her to do or not do something, tell them. Its amazing how easy it can be. 
                    I can’t stress this enough, Pray together always…There’s nothing sexier than listening to my man pray for us. Relationships aren’t perfect like the movies, you have to slowly build and maintain your spark.We were in a long distance relationship for a few years. That was hard too. We talked everyday, and worked hard on our goals of being together forever. "
Linda and husband in 2010, both graduating from the University

7 years is a long time, what kept you in the relationship? Some people give up when 4-5years pass in a relationship and the man doesn’t marry them. Did you have such fears? How did you manage them?

                 "Yes it is a long time and I've seen many relationships fail around me. Yes, I did have so many fears.. are you kidding me. As soon as some people heard I left the country they were fixed on my man.. girls have no chill. SMH LOL
                  We started growing up and many things we liked before changed, it was scary to see if we could still make it work after we were past the teenage years as well. It's all him, he constantly assured me we are in this together. You know us women we like to overthink things. After a while I just left everything with God for him to work it out for us and He did. God just blessed me with the man that wanted to be with me through thick or thin. We were both willing to make it work and fight all the odds in front of us, and its still our motto till date."

Is there a difference from when you were together as lovers without the matrimonial blessing and now that you are spouses?

                 "After marriage versus before marriage… hmmm.. I used to think its just a paper and nothing really would change, boy was I wrong. Firstly we never really lived together  especially the last 5years when it was first of all long distance, across countries then we narrowed it down to across provinces in same country.  
                 Now I have to cook almost everyday, and its harder to find what he likes here compared to living back home. 
                 A few already know but I moved to his church officially. I moved from Catholic to Presbyterian church. I wanted to for a while but the marriage kinda made a perfect transition time.                       Also there’s family involved. I had to meet all his family and he had to meet mine and there’s a lot more responsibility keeping the bond of the families after marriage than before. 
               There’s a lot of pressure to have kids from absolutely everyone after marriage. 
               You know the verse “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains the favour of the most high God” I feel we have been super blessed by God after our marriage. We both nailed some incredible jobs after the wedding, got our permanent stay in Canada, and a whole lot of overwhelming blessings since. 
               You know when you feel like God approves... yes. There is definitely a feeling of relief because wedding planning is stressful, and I'm glad that part is over, we were from different churches, different tribes. need I say more? I am also relieved post wedding that I can have a baby when I want, coz pre-wedding hmm, I didn’t want a child out of wedlock and I'm glad I can have one freely without hearing preaching. LOL"
Linda and husband during traditional wedding

How would you describe your one year of being married?

 "One year of being married. hmmm. Its Amazing because I married my soulmate. You know you'll never be alone, I always have support even in the little things. Definitely a blessing. New found respect from others, and if a woman is happily married it shows..daris ol oo. Bonus… unlimited free Massages and 24/7 personal photographer. hihihihi"

What advice do you have for young girls who are still with their first loves and wish they get married?

               "Young girls with their first Loves… Don’t loose hope. 
                Keep praying for your man and help build him up. Girls soon start putting pressure on their men to marry them because of their age or their friends. Write your own story. Wait patiently, for Gods time is the best. 
                Marriage isn’t even the end. You have to keep building the relationship after marriage isn’t it? so, focus on keeping your relationship strong, marriage will come. 
                At the same time be a strong woman. Work hard and make a living /career for yourself and don’t settle for less." 

What advice do you have for girls who are in long term non-marital relationships?

               "Hmmm. This one is tricky.. let me talk like Kansime the Comedian “Do you want to have a PHD in  me”? LOL 
                There is nothing wrong with long term dating. I actually recommend it even though it's usually circumstances that causes it. There's a lot of creeps out there; wife beaters, cheaters, child abusers, cultists etc 
                Take time to know your man even from a friendship first and you get fewer surprises after marriage (hopefully).   
                Lol well after the first year or so you should know where it is going. As I mentioned earlier, communication is key, align your goals together so as the years go by, you know the growth pattern… If he doesn’t discuss the future with you, chances are you aren’t in it… ask him what's the long-term plan. (don’t go asking his mother). 
               I understand that sometimes relationships go long term coz of finances (you know dis wa bride prices) to make a marriage ceremony so you should know if your man is working hard to get the bank account (as was my case). There are several reasons for long term non- marital relationships. Finances, education, long distance, health, a child comes in,etc 
               It could even be the woman wanting a large Wedding when the guy can't afford hence delaying the marriage. 
               Also when you have packed your bags and moved in with him, men tend to relax, njumba nobi marret ooo… stay in your own house till he puts a ring on it. 
              My personal conviction is… marriage was instituted by God primarily for companionship, then procreation. but people seem to think they get married when they want kids. if we could just educate our sisters and brothers, marriage doesn’t mean have kids tomorrow. You can be married, and still go to school to pursue your Masters or PhD, and still build your house, or still do that business. Its not a disability at all.  I hear people say “I have to have my degree first” "I have to start my business first”. Let your spouse be your support every step of the way. Trust me its more fun. 
            So Beta Girls, if a guy wants to marry you don’t hold back, you can still pursue your dreams while being married. If he doesn’t have enough money, have a small wedding, (stop trying to outdo your friends) you can make a big 5th or 10th anniversary. If a child comes. Great.. all the more reason you should tie the knot since you are going to be in each other lives forever due to the child. If there’s no reason why he hasn’t proposed and it's been long term, ask him why and if the answer isn’t good enough.. move on if you want to ..My two cents"

What advice do you have for any girl out there who is wishing to get married to the love of her life someday?

            "My sisters, this thing isn’t a race for one. Take your time and make the right choice. Love isn’t a bed of roses so don’t think there won't be tough times. There's no set formula for Love, so I'll say, figure out what you want in a guy and a relationship and find a guy who has those qualities you are looking for or some(you can teach him the others).
             Pray, nurture, and build each other. Comparison is the thief of joy… you know we women, we create strife by comparing our friend's man to our man. In fact your issues shouldn’t be heard by a third party. 'Yeye' relationship counselors will be trying to give you advice that won't work for the most part. Slowly, build trust with each other. 
             Lastly, relationships should draw you closer to Christ, not closer to sin. Don’t Compromise your values to keep anyone. God is more important."

Hope you learnt a lot from Linda! We sure did! We definitely wish her nothing less than a happily ever after married life!  You can follow her on Instagram: @leendamonono 
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