Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Ten secrets, girls keep...

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As girls and women, we are constantly under pressure by society to maintain a certain grace and poise. Sometimes we want to throw ourselves on the edge because we don’t feel beautiful enough, or good enough, or accepted enough. 

We try to live our lives to satisfy everyone else but ourselves. Sometimes we force ourselves into doing things we don’t want to do because we want validation from people around us. We nurture insecurities inside of us and hurt. But let me tell you this Beta Girl, the only person whose validation you should be leaving for is God who created you. If you strive to gain validation from God and please Him, you will find yourself pleasing the right people.

We often feel the need to maintain a certain grace and reputation. Ladies have found comfort in being less expressive about their wants, desires and feelings for fear of being called names. They have resorted to telling lies about some aspects of their lives or keeping them secret. I have a fairly introverted side, and so I go for the latter. As a matter of fact we all go for the latter because if you lie about something, then the truth is a secret. Here are ten secrets girls usually keep:

1- The age at which they lost their virginity.

Some girls are 'lucky' enough to have lost their virginity at decent ages and under decent circumstances like wed-lock; others unfortunately didn't get that opportunity. Perhaps by their inabilities to resist their curiosities, or because of circumstances beyond their control like rape and abuse. Either ways some girls would prefer to keep the age at which they lost their virginity secret if they know that they would be called names, misunderstood or stigmatized if they spoke the truth.

2- The number of guys they have had sexual relations with.

Unfortunately, in our world, girls are not expected to sleep with many guys before getting married. In some societies, girls are not expected to have sex with anybody before getting married. But the huge question here is: 'how many guys are considered 'many' guys?' Nobody defines that benchmark but when a girl clearly states the number of guys she has been with, she gets called names or becomes negatively popular. Nobody likes to be called those kind of names, so the truth is better kept secret.

3- Their relationship statuses

Everybody goes through the I-want-to-be-single-for-now phase, where they are single but far from searching. So to maintain that status quo they sometimes have to lie about it, so that they will have reason to be left alone by those wanna-be-heartbreakers who persistently come lurking around. Also some naughty girls may be in a relationship but they just want to flirt, so they'll keep the truth about their relationships secret.

4- Their academic accomplishments.

No guy wants to be with a dumb girl and no girl likes to admit that she is really dumb in class. So they keep their average and below-average results to themselves. Some girls actually lie about how far they have gone in the academic ladder.

5- The potencies of their lovers.

There is a common tendency for a girl to lie about her lover's potency; financially, sexually and emotionally just to make her friends to feel inferior, or to show that she is better than them. Lol. Pathetic I must say, but it is real. They say stuff like 'He gives me monthly allowance', 'He takes me to all the fancy places around', 'He's the one who furnished my apartment' and the list goes on, when it’s all false. They keep the real details of their relationships secret.

6- The number of times they have gotten pregnant.

Unwanted pregnancies are no longer a secret. Some girls accept it and ignore all odds to proceed into the delivery of the child and others don't feel ready to be moms so they abort. But a girl would hardly admit that she has aborted, or worst still the number of times she has aborted for fear to be stigmatized. They'd rather keep it secret.

7- The real reasons for the split of one or more of their previous relationships

It’s hard for a girl to admit to her peers that she was dumped. They always find a way to make it sound as though they had the final say even if they didn't. After a break up some girls want to put up an I-don't-give-a-damn attitude, so they lie about how it happened by saying stuff like 'I gave him a piece of my mind', 'I blasted him properly' meanwhile they were on their knees, in a pool of tears in front of the guy when  he said it was over.

8- Their financial status

A girl is always broke... to a guy though. They always need and never have enough. They keep their cash statuses secret in order to keep their purses loaded. When asked 'Do you have transport fare to go back home?' the answer is always 'no' even when they do. They never have airtime in their phones as well. They always want airtime refills... Meanwhile they want to give the impression to their friends that they have more than enough.

9- The kind of guys they have dated before

Some girls like to give false impressions to create false reputations and intimidate their peers. They lie about their exes. They package them like the biggest guys in town, the ladies-loves of the city, meanwhile they have never been with those guys except in their dreams maybe. They keep the fact that they have been with 'losers' and 'have-nots', secret.

10- The guys they like.

Some girls deny to have feelings for guys they actually like because they are not up to the social standards of the guys their friends are seeing. They'd rather go along with the negatives their friends are pointing out of the guy rather than what they feel for the guy. That feeling will unfortunately be held secret.

Are you guilty of any of those ten secrets? Well, I am guilty of a few, number 2 and number 3… yes, I am not a saint. LOL. Here is the good news though, as a Beta Girl, you don’t have to lie, for validation. If you regret an aspect of your past, then take time out, do an introspection; forgive yourself, turn that regret into a blessing by drawing a lesson out of it, dust yourself and move on.

There’s also something that is important to note, you don’t have to talk about something that you don’t want to talk about. You don’t owe anybody any explanation, except it is about something that concerns them. If it is personal and you don’t want to talk about it, then don’t.
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